I let it all out today. All the pent-up aggression and anger from the last year. I told her she drove me crazy and I can’t stand the pressure anymore. I told her that while I do my job to the best of my abilities I don’t feel the need to go above and beyond anymore because she told me herself my growth at the organization was stunted and that I haven’t had a raise in over two years. I told her I don’t believe in our new president’s b.s. talks because how can have high morale when not five minutes earlier he told us some of us wouldn’t be there next fiscal year. I told her not to save my job because then I’d have to hear her guilt-filled lectures about what she gave up in her life. “Don’t save me. I can’t deal with the pressure. I’ll be fine if I’m let go.” And honestly, though it would be scary and would suck, I’d get that fcuking monkey off my back. And that monkey, is her.
Once I was really good at really leaving my job when I left the office. I never want my job to be life. I can do a rockin’ kick-a$$ job between the hours of 9 to 5, then it’s my time. I hope to find satisfaction and successfulwithin my job, but I don’t want it to be my life. Is there something wrong with that? In my opinion, no. Can’t you kick a$$ when you’re paid to kick a$$ and then lead a normal life? Not her. She’s a martyr. No one can stand it. No one looks up to her and sees her a model employee–she’s a pain in the a$$. She doesn’t earn more respect that way, she gets taken advantage of because she wants to be seen as a model employee and is willing to take crap and be taken advantage of because of it. I, on the other hand, am not. I don’t get paid enough. I make less than half of what she does and have to take her crap on top of it.
I’m a sensitive soul. So much so I cried at my desk after my outburst. I have no problem owning up to my mistakes and usually apologize for the littlest of things. But today, I feel no need to apologize. I feel no need to take any more manipulative crap from her. She needed to know where I stand. That unlike her, I’m not completely terrified. I will be okay if I lose my job. If it’s meant to be, it will be. I’ll figure it out if and when the time comes, and I’ll be a better person for it.